Without my faith, I am nothing. . .I realize that there are those of you out there who aren't the religious or spiritual type. While this post will be more based on matters of my own personal faith, I have a firm belief that everyone (regardless to race, gender, religion or lack thereof) has something that they believe in or cling to (which will probably be brought up in a later post, I'm sure). I cling to my faith as a pillar of support, stability and strength in my life. I don't expect all of you to feel the same, so for those of differing views, please feel free to insert your own beliefs or views instead of my own and please stay with me. It will all pan out in the end.
This past week was one of the most overwhelming experiences of my life. . .and that's putting it lightly. Daniel grew up attending a family church camp every summer. They hadn't been in quite a few years, and they were very determined to make it back this year. Daniel had invited (practically begged) me to go with him this year. I have a hard enough time denying this man anything when he does so much for me, and because he was so determined to make this happen, I agreed to go with him.
After I got off work on Friday, we started getting ready to make our way to camp, and it seemed like everything was going against us at one point or another. As soon as everything went right, something else had to go wrong. Daniel and myself (along with his family) were very determined to make it to this camp, so we pushed through anyway. I was sure that once we finally arrived at the camp everything would be fine, but even while we were at camp we were battling through things. Nobody, and no relationship for that matter, is absolutely perfect. Daniel and I, along with everyone else there, have been dealing with our own imperfections and trying to make them better for ourselves. Being in the kind of environment that encourages you to accept and be at peace with these imperfections, as well as challenging you to confront and overcome them, is a very overwhelming and moving experience.
This had both its ups and downs. On the upside, it was amazing to be filled by this moving presence. I have no words to describe what that was like. I was able to witness it happen not only in myself, but also in the other people present. On the slightly less upward side, it caused emotions to run higher than normal. I noticed it first with the younger children. I absolutely love Daniel's nieces and nephews, and I have had some great times with them. For some reason, they seemed to get upset and fussy over smaller things that they never would have gotten too thrown off about. At the time, I just chalked it up to being in a new environment. I noticed it within myself also. There would be times Daniel would say or do something, and for some reason I allowed myself to become more hurt and upset than I would ever be. Again, because I've been brought up in the Catholic church my entire life, I just wrote it off at the time as a new experience that I needed to just work at becoming more comfortable with. I realized something was wrong when I noticed it with Daniel. For whatever reason, Daniel seemed to be getting upset or turned off by some of the smallest things. I thought maybe it might be because all of the kids were starting to get to him, or maybe I really was being mean towards him or something. As I looked at the situation closer, I realized that there wasn't anything going on that wasn't "normal".
I think it's safe to say that it was emotionally and spiritually tense for a while. I was already an emotional mess because of my own imperfections that I was trying to corner, and I started to feel even worse when I saw how tense and fragile things would get sometimes. It really brought me down for a while to the point where it was physically wearing at me. Then the most perfect and amazing thing happened to me. Daniel and I prayed together.
Faith has been an important part of both of our lives for a very long time. Both of our families have a strong religious support system, so we grew up going to church and retreats and bible studies and camps. We've discussed the various aspects of our faith with each other in great detail: what we have in common, what differs, what is the most valued and important to us. I've gone with him and his family to church before, and he's gone with me to Mass for different events in my family. We've read together, talked about things together, sang in church, sat in church and held hands. . .but this was the first time we've actually, honest to God shared our faith with each other. I don't know why it hasn't happened any sooner, because we're both very faith/religion oriented people, but it couldn't have happened at a more perfect time.
For that moment, it didn't matter what was going on. Everything was right and perfect. Nothing else mattered. . .not the built up stress of silly things getting to us, different imperfections we were dealing with on our own or together, or any of the unexplainable tension that had built up. In that church, holding hands and praying together and for each other, everything else was okay. This has been the most beautiful moment of peace and faith I have experienced in my lifetime, and no amount of words can fully explain the outpouring of emotion that occurred.
It doesn't matter who it is (boyfriend, best friend, wife, sister, dad, etc). . .every relationship has to have some type of foundation to build upon. More importantly, there needs to be a strong enough foundation to hold a relationship up when nails slip out, when insulation goes bad, or when rooms or the entire house needs to be remodeled (I've been trying really hard to stay away from baseball comparisons). Without that strong foundation, if the world comes crashing down, what is left to hold you up? Without a foundation, things wither away and fall apart. Yes, houses can be rebuilt and new foundation can even be laid down, but without a sturdy foundation in the beginning, it makes things that much more difficult.
I'm not saying religion is the only source of that sturdy foundation (although a really great parable from the Bible comes to mind), and this is not my way of trying to convert anyone. I firmly believe that all relationships need a steady and stable foundation to rest and build upon. Our faith and religion is what Daniel and I can build off of and even add on to. While it may not have been as obvious when we first started dating, it has been made crystal clear this past week. No matter what occurs in our relationship, our faith is what we have to fall back on and hold us up. It allows us to figure things out together, and renews our faith in each other as well as our faith together to help each other overcome whatever comes our way.
There are many sources of foundation in relationships. While I personally feel that faith is the strongest foundation to build upon, there are many other strong sources. Music is a heavy factor in many relationships I have been a part of and have witnessed (as a musician, it sort of comes with the territory). Art, poetry, literature, politics, non-faith based moral views on life...these are all sturdy bases. In every relationship, there is something in common. Even indifference, or acceptance of having absolutely nothing in common is a backbone of a relationship (I have a few friendships like that, and I wouldn't trade them for anything). If there's nothing to base or build your relationship on, why are you in the relationship in the first place?
Ladies and gentlemen, this is my challenge for us for the week. Why do we have the relationships that we do? What is it that we have in common with others? I challenge you to first figure out what means the most to you in your life. Find your source of foundation. It might be something that's long been laid down, or something that you're slowly starting to build from scratch. Regardless as to how old or new the foundation, realizing what it is can be the hardest obstacle to overcome. The second part of this challenge may take some time, but I promise it will be so much more worth it in the end. Once you figure out the source of your foundation, find a way to share it and build onto it. Music has been such a major part of my life for as long as I can remember, it was what Daniel and I first built our friendship on over ten years ago. Lately, I've been battling some of my own doubts and imperfections, and I've been keeping that part of my life away from him. After everything this past week, I'm ready to work as hard as I can to share that with him again. I know it will take time for me to be where I'd like to be with that aspect of our relationship, but I can guarantee you that I am going to be trying my hardest to get back to that happy, musical place.
While this may seem like a more difficult challenge that I normally leave, I think it will be the most fulfilling. I'm willing to continue to work and build upon what I have, and I hope you will be inspired to do the same. In closing, I'd like to share a quote that's been helping me through this past week and the creation and practice of this post:
"I never said it would be easy. . .I only said it would be worth it. . ."
Keep the faith, my friends. If not faith in a higher power, at least have faith in yourself that one day, we really can say that it was worth it. . .
Until then,
Abby <3
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