Earlier this week, I went out with a few of my friends to celebrate our birthdays (one of the great things about having birthdays within weeks of each other). We had dinner, went shopping, and just spent time together catching up and visiting. I was having a great time, and told the girls that this was exactly what I needed to help me pick up my week. I've been feeling a little out of it, and a little down lately...and it was a refreshing change of pace for the evening. I'm realizing that I don't like that train of thought for the week though. I shouldn't be looking for a reason to be needing to make my week better...I should be enjoying each day that I've been given. So that got me thinking...
Why do we let other people bring us down? It obviously can't be because we actually like feeling that way. Nobody actually likes feeling that way. So why do we let them affect us in such a way?
Here's what I've observed and been a part of...I know I don't have all of the answers, but this is what I know...
Sometimes people say things to us that could make us think in a negative manner, and we completely dismiss them and aren't even slightly affected. It could be because we know the person, and we know that they don't really mean what they're saying or that they're teasing us, and we let it go. Every now and then, we have people who do these things to us, and we let it go because we don't really care what they say. I've asked someone about how they can do this, because I've never had this happen personally, and the reaction was simple. "Those people just don't matter that much to me." So, I guess if there are people in your life that are trying to bring you down, and you know that these people aren't in a good environment for you, don't associate yourself with them. It's easier to let things go when you come to terms with the fact that there are just some people out there that will always be trying to bring others down, and you can't allow them to hurt you like they have so many others. At this point, all we can do is pray for them or try to show them how to be more positive.
There have been times when complete and absolute strangers say things to us in a more negative manner. Most of the time, we let it go because we have no idea who they are, and they don't know us, so what do they know anyway? It's so easy for other people to judge each other without ever knowing or understanding the person or the situation, and at times like this it's very easy for us to not even acknowledge anything that they are saying. Every great once in a while though, something a complete stranger says really drags us down and upsets us. How can someone who knows so little about us affect us so much? I think (and this is just from my own personal experience and experiences from others that I've talked to) that we all have a few things that we can be a little self concious about. I know I have my fair share of things that I know I'm insecure about. Even the most confident person in the entire world has something that they have to at least second guess at times. This could range from hidden self insecurities that we don't share with the world, to something as simple as second guessing our outfit choice or the way we fixed our hair that particular day. These strangers may not mean anything by what they say, but we allow ourselves to be so brought down by them, because they hit a nerve we were trying to hide or get over. It's not the end of the world, but sometimes we allow it to be, because others have seen the faults in us that we were trying to forget. It's difficult to deal with as it happens (because we know deep down that allowing ourselves to be brought down by these things only reitterates and amplifies our personal insecurities and imperfections), but eventually we have to talk ourselves down and realize that these people don't know us and can't bring us down over something random that they may have said. It's hard, I'm not going to lie and say that it isn't, but we need to talk ourselves through these moments and pick ourselves back up.
Then comes the more difficult situation to talk about...Sometimes our friends and family bring us down, and in my experience, it's more difficult to overcome. I've been thinking a lot about how to properly address this section, and I think I've narrowed it down to three different situations:
People that know us tend to understand how we work and can figure out some of the insecurities that we talked about earlier. Sometimes even the people we love get hurt, and they bring our own insecurities to the surface. Maybe they said something out of anger or they happen to be dealing with being hurt over insecurities very close to our own. Maybe we did something to upset them, and they know what buttons to push on us. Chances are, they didn't mean to upset us...but once our insecurities get brought into the light, it's sometimes hard not to allow them to clutter your mind and weigh you down.
If you're like me, this situation happens every now and then: sometimes we try to hide or cover up our insecurities, those that we love aren't even aware of them, and they say something that really hurts our feelings. This happens to me sometimes with my dad. I am pretty sure that I love my dad more than almost anyone else in the world. I look up to this man for everything. There are no combinations of words to decribe our relationship, except one: complicated. For whatever reason, we get along when we're teasing each other or giving each other a hard time. That's just the way that it is. Sure, we have many moments of serious conversation and discussion...but that just isn't a normal thing for us. We can be as serious as we need to be with each other, but being able to give each other grief every now and then just sort of proves how close we really are. Even my own dad, this superhero figure of sorts in my life, really hurts my feelings sometimes. We can be going back and forth just messing with each other, and suddenly out of nowhere he says something and that ends the entire conversation. I get upset, or hurt, and sometimes I even walk off somewhere to calm down so I don't cry. I know my dad would never intentionally hurt me in such a way...but it's not really his fault. He doesn't realize that it's something he shouldn' t say, because he doesn't know that it's going to hurt me. I have my mom to thank for this viewpoint. If I can't share these insecurities with my dad (or whomever else for that matter), how is he supposed to know that whatever small comment he makes is going to hurt my feelings or worse?
Then, in my own opinion, there is the hardest of these situations to deal with. Sometimes we get so hurt and upset by the people we love and care about because we feel like we have let them down or disappointed them. We may not have knowingly done anything wrong. Sometimes things just happen. Nobody in this world has ever been absolutely, without a doubt perfect. Sometimes, even having the best of intentions doesn't always turn out like you would want it to. It's hard sometimes to realize that we have let down, disappointed, or even hurt some of the people we care most in the world. We look up to people that we care a lot about, and we strive to get their approval...we care so much about these people and they mean so much to us, that sometimes the things that they say really hurt us and make our insecurities that much greater.
So what do we do then? How do we help get ourselves out of this emotional hole of insecurities and hurt we have allowed ourselves to fall into? How do we help ourselves to prevent letting it happen again?
Here's the thing, ladies and gentlemen, I don't have all of the answers...but I have an idea. I think the biggest steps we can take are these: figuring out what it is we are so insecure about and facing it. This isn't going to be easy for a lot of us. Some of us, including myself, have some insecurities that are much more difficult to deal with than others. It's going to be a big challenge, but it's definitely going to be worth the risk.
So let's do this together. Let's think long and hard about what it is we are insecure about...and then try to figure out why we are so insecure about these things in the first place. If we can work together to realize these things, and then work even harder to conquer them with each other, we will be in a much happier place. Heads held high, world. This can be done, and we can do it together! With that in mind, let's also strive to make sure we don't bring others down. For every negative thing we say or think about someone...let's do or say two positive things for those people. It will be a slow process, but we can begin changing the world for the better...one step and one day at a time...
Until next time,
Abby <3
Friday, July 19, 2013
Monday, July 8, 2013
What comes after 23...?
*disclaimer: This post will be of a more personal nature...a reflection of sorts on the last year of my life. Since tommorrow is my birthday, I figure I should be able to write what I want. Regular posts will resume next week :)
I decided a long time ago that 23 would be the perfect age for me. I'm not really sure why I felt this way, but 23 just seemed to fit. As I'm going to be turning 24 tomorrow, I've been thinking about how my "perfect year" has gone and wondering...what comes after 23?
My twenty-third year started off great, and I was sure that was a sign of a great year ahead. I spent the afternoon/evening with one of my best friends. We hung out with a handful of our friends, watched TV, played games, had dinner, and just had a great time getting to relax and hang out. It was everything I could have wanted (especially since I really wasn't planning on doing anything in the first place). Things seemed to be going really well. I had a great group of friends, I was getting ready to start a new job, I was talking to this guy that I was really starting to like, I was starting to volunteer more at the church, and life was good. Things seemed to be going really well for a while.
Not too long after my birthday, things started to go downhill. My dad was having back problems again, and we learned that he was going to have to have another surgery (making this the third time he's had to go in for this), and it was going to be more invasive than the last two because in addition to everything else they needed to do, they were going to be replacing the hardware that was already put in his back from the previous two. My dad ended up needing to leave his current job and stay at home to recover. I love my dad quite a bit, and seeing him in the state he was in, and watching what he was going through absolutely tortured me. As a little girl, we always invision our dad as a superhero of sorts, indestructable and can do anything and everything. Even as we grow up and realize our dads are human, we still have that almost supernatural view of them, so it hurt to see this indestructable man broken. A good friend of mine was coming into town, and I was really looking forward to spending time with him (beacuse it had been about three years since I'd seen him last), and it ended up not working out. I also realized around this same time that this guy that I thought I might really like, didn't really like me as much as he made me think he did.
It seemed like 23 just wasn't going to be the year I thought it was going to be. I was heart-broken in more than a few ways, some of my closest friends were beginning to move back to their own colleges for school, nothing seemed to be going right, and I was feeling a little lost and hopeless. I continued to volunteer at the church, I went to work at my new job, and I continued to spend time with my friends who were still in town. I had started hanging out with and talking to a good friend of mine, and I realized how great of a friend he really was. He was a genuine good guy, and accepted me as his friend no questions asked, and he liked me for who I was. The more I spent with him, the more I began to start liking myself again, and I started working harder to be able to be on my own, take care of myself again, and continue to strive to be the person I needed to be. By the end of August or so, I finally felt like I was coming into my own again, and I was happy to be me and to be on my own.
Towards the end of September, my phone started acting up and I had to get a new one. I wasn't all too happy about it, but it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened at the time. When I got my new phone, I popped my SIM card in, and went through the motions of trying to figure out the ins and outs of the phone and learning what transferred over to this phone and what got left behind. As I was browsing through my address book updating numbers, I came across a name I hadn't seen on my phone in a while. Somehow, in the changing of phones over the last year and a half or so, I had lost Daniel's number. He was one of my best friends in high school, and after graduation we kept up with each other on a regular basis. I was so excited to see his name in my phone again, and I texted him hoping that his number hadn't changed. He ended up calling me right away (he goes through more phones than anyone else I know, so he hadn't had my number for a long time either), and we made plans to get together and catch up next time I was able to drive home for a weekend.
I honestly cannot express the amount of excitement I had when I finally made it home for a weekend. I was coming home at the end of October for my little sister's birthday, so we decided that's when we would get together. When I saw his truck pull up in front of my grandma's house, it was all I could do to not run out the front door and hug him. It was like nothing had ever changed or happened. We ended up spending a lot of time together that weekend, and when it was time for me to head back to Corpus Christi for school, I realized how much I didn't want to go back. We made plans to get together next time I could make it home, and we talked on the phone and texted quite a bit in between visits.
I didn't realize the change right away...but my close friends did. There was no way to cover up how much happier I seemed to be. As soon as I was done with the semester, I packed up and drove home. We spent the biggest majority of my break together, and by Christmas-time we decided that we were dating. I'm not the type to get into relationships easily. I spend a lot of time testing the waters, and making sure that that's what I want and what I'm ready for. This time, things just seemed right, and I didn't want to spend any more time wondering. Right off the bat, Daniel ended up getting hurt. Even though we had known each other for the last ten years, trying to be his girlfriend was a very new thing to me, so having to take care of him was an adventure and a learning experience.
The spring semester was definitely a busy one. I came home and spent time with Daniel when I could. My grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, Valentine's day was a major bust (Daniel doesn't ever want to talk about it, but he did an outstanding job of making up for it), we celebrated Daniel's birthday at the rodeo with his sister and brother-in-law, and we've gone to various events and spent quite a bit of time with both of our families. We even made a trip up to New Mexico to visit his grandma, spent a week recently in Kerrville at a family church camp, and we've added a baby bunny into the mix. There were some less that wonderful moments, too. There were some not so great times spent with and around my family, every now and then we have to battle my own insecurities, and we've been dealing with some of Daniel's own imperfections that he's wanting to change and work through. He's a very patient man, at least with me, and we've worked through the more difficult situations together.
So, how would I go about summing up this past year? It was definitely not without its fair share of difficulties...but overall, it couldn't have been any better. My family, friends, and those I care about are safe, happy, and doing well. I love the way things are going in my life, even though things aren't always so great, and I love that I have someone to share that with. I have an amazing and very supportive family...and since I've started dating Daniel, his family has accepted and welcomed me with open arms, and they are very supportive of me as well.
One of the best things that could have happened to me though, was Daniel. I know I talk about him quite a bit, and I brag on him all the time, but I couldn't have known to ask for anything better in my life. Daniel saved me when I didn't realize I needed to be saved. I had been so over-stressed and worn out on everything, and he's taken that away from me. He won't let me stay too upset for long, and he does more than I could have ever asked of anyone when it comes to my happiness. I never cease to be overwhelmed daily by how much he loves me, and how much he's willing to do and go through because of that. We have our fair share of not so perfect times every now and then, but he's patient and works through things with me, and allows me to be my crazy self for a little while every now and then. I feel like I'm a better person, and I'm a much better Christian than I think I have ever been. I have a renewed faith not only in God, but in myself as well. I'm back to being myself again, and I'm very happy with who that person is (it's not just me, my family and friends have noticed, too).
So...I guess 23 was about as perfect as it could have been, quite honestly. I have my faith, my friends, my family, and a wonderful man...and with that, I'm ready to welcome in year 24...determined to make 24 the new 23.
Until next time,
Abby <3
I decided a long time ago that 23 would be the perfect age for me. I'm not really sure why I felt this way, but 23 just seemed to fit. As I'm going to be turning 24 tomorrow, I've been thinking about how my "perfect year" has gone and wondering...what comes after 23?
My twenty-third year started off great, and I was sure that was a sign of a great year ahead. I spent the afternoon/evening with one of my best friends. We hung out with a handful of our friends, watched TV, played games, had dinner, and just had a great time getting to relax and hang out. It was everything I could have wanted (especially since I really wasn't planning on doing anything in the first place). Things seemed to be going really well. I had a great group of friends, I was getting ready to start a new job, I was talking to this guy that I was really starting to like, I was starting to volunteer more at the church, and life was good. Things seemed to be going really well for a while.
Not too long after my birthday, things started to go downhill. My dad was having back problems again, and we learned that he was going to have to have another surgery (making this the third time he's had to go in for this), and it was going to be more invasive than the last two because in addition to everything else they needed to do, they were going to be replacing the hardware that was already put in his back from the previous two. My dad ended up needing to leave his current job and stay at home to recover. I love my dad quite a bit, and seeing him in the state he was in, and watching what he was going through absolutely tortured me. As a little girl, we always invision our dad as a superhero of sorts, indestructable and can do anything and everything. Even as we grow up and realize our dads are human, we still have that almost supernatural view of them, so it hurt to see this indestructable man broken. A good friend of mine was coming into town, and I was really looking forward to spending time with him (beacuse it had been about three years since I'd seen him last), and it ended up not working out. I also realized around this same time that this guy that I thought I might really like, didn't really like me as much as he made me think he did.
It seemed like 23 just wasn't going to be the year I thought it was going to be. I was heart-broken in more than a few ways, some of my closest friends were beginning to move back to their own colleges for school, nothing seemed to be going right, and I was feeling a little lost and hopeless. I continued to volunteer at the church, I went to work at my new job, and I continued to spend time with my friends who were still in town. I had started hanging out with and talking to a good friend of mine, and I realized how great of a friend he really was. He was a genuine good guy, and accepted me as his friend no questions asked, and he liked me for who I was. The more I spent with him, the more I began to start liking myself again, and I started working harder to be able to be on my own, take care of myself again, and continue to strive to be the person I needed to be. By the end of August or so, I finally felt like I was coming into my own again, and I was happy to be me and to be on my own.
Towards the end of September, my phone started acting up and I had to get a new one. I wasn't all too happy about it, but it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened at the time. When I got my new phone, I popped my SIM card in, and went through the motions of trying to figure out the ins and outs of the phone and learning what transferred over to this phone and what got left behind. As I was browsing through my address book updating numbers, I came across a name I hadn't seen on my phone in a while. Somehow, in the changing of phones over the last year and a half or so, I had lost Daniel's number. He was one of my best friends in high school, and after graduation we kept up with each other on a regular basis. I was so excited to see his name in my phone again, and I texted him hoping that his number hadn't changed. He ended up calling me right away (he goes through more phones than anyone else I know, so he hadn't had my number for a long time either), and we made plans to get together and catch up next time I was able to drive home for a weekend.
I honestly cannot express the amount of excitement I had when I finally made it home for a weekend. I was coming home at the end of October for my little sister's birthday, so we decided that's when we would get together. When I saw his truck pull up in front of my grandma's house, it was all I could do to not run out the front door and hug him. It was like nothing had ever changed or happened. We ended up spending a lot of time together that weekend, and when it was time for me to head back to Corpus Christi for school, I realized how much I didn't want to go back. We made plans to get together next time I could make it home, and we talked on the phone and texted quite a bit in between visits.
I didn't realize the change right away...but my close friends did. There was no way to cover up how much happier I seemed to be. As soon as I was done with the semester, I packed up and drove home. We spent the biggest majority of my break together, and by Christmas-time we decided that we were dating. I'm not the type to get into relationships easily. I spend a lot of time testing the waters, and making sure that that's what I want and what I'm ready for. This time, things just seemed right, and I didn't want to spend any more time wondering. Right off the bat, Daniel ended up getting hurt. Even though we had known each other for the last ten years, trying to be his girlfriend was a very new thing to me, so having to take care of him was an adventure and a learning experience.
The spring semester was definitely a busy one. I came home and spent time with Daniel when I could. My grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, Valentine's day was a major bust (Daniel doesn't ever want to talk about it, but he did an outstanding job of making up for it), we celebrated Daniel's birthday at the rodeo with his sister and brother-in-law, and we've gone to various events and spent quite a bit of time with both of our families. We even made a trip up to New Mexico to visit his grandma, spent a week recently in Kerrville at a family church camp, and we've added a baby bunny into the mix. There were some less that wonderful moments, too. There were some not so great times spent with and around my family, every now and then we have to battle my own insecurities, and we've been dealing with some of Daniel's own imperfections that he's wanting to change and work through. He's a very patient man, at least with me, and we've worked through the more difficult situations together.
So, how would I go about summing up this past year? It was definitely not without its fair share of difficulties...but overall, it couldn't have been any better. My family, friends, and those I care about are safe, happy, and doing well. I love the way things are going in my life, even though things aren't always so great, and I love that I have someone to share that with. I have an amazing and very supportive family...and since I've started dating Daniel, his family has accepted and welcomed me with open arms, and they are very supportive of me as well.
One of the best things that could have happened to me though, was Daniel. I know I talk about him quite a bit, and I brag on him all the time, but I couldn't have known to ask for anything better in my life. Daniel saved me when I didn't realize I needed to be saved. I had been so over-stressed and worn out on everything, and he's taken that away from me. He won't let me stay too upset for long, and he does more than I could have ever asked of anyone when it comes to my happiness. I never cease to be overwhelmed daily by how much he loves me, and how much he's willing to do and go through because of that. We have our fair share of not so perfect times every now and then, but he's patient and works through things with me, and allows me to be my crazy self for a little while every now and then. I feel like I'm a better person, and I'm a much better Christian than I think I have ever been. I have a renewed faith not only in God, but in myself as well. I'm back to being myself again, and I'm very happy with who that person is (it's not just me, my family and friends have noticed, too).
So...I guess 23 was about as perfect as it could have been, quite honestly. I have my faith, my friends, my family, and a wonderful man...and with that, I'm ready to welcome in year 24...determined to make 24 the new 23.
Until next time,
Abby <3
Friday, July 5, 2013
What holds you up and keeps you together...?
Without my faith, I am nothing. . .I realize that there are those of you out there who aren't the religious or spiritual type. While this post will be more based on matters of my own personal faith, I have a firm belief that everyone (regardless to race, gender, religion or lack thereof) has something that they believe in or cling to (which will probably be brought up in a later post, I'm sure). I cling to my faith as a pillar of support, stability and strength in my life. I don't expect all of you to feel the same, so for those of differing views, please feel free to insert your own beliefs or views instead of my own and please stay with me. It will all pan out in the end.
This past week was one of the most overwhelming experiences of my life. . .and that's putting it lightly. Daniel grew up attending a family church camp every summer. They hadn't been in quite a few years, and they were very determined to make it back this year. Daniel had invited (practically begged) me to go with him this year. I have a hard enough time denying this man anything when he does so much for me, and because he was so determined to make this happen, I agreed to go with him.
After I got off work on Friday, we started getting ready to make our way to camp, and it seemed like everything was going against us at one point or another. As soon as everything went right, something else had to go wrong. Daniel and myself (along with his family) were very determined to make it to this camp, so we pushed through anyway. I was sure that once we finally arrived at the camp everything would be fine, but even while we were at camp we were battling through things. Nobody, and no relationship for that matter, is absolutely perfect. Daniel and I, along with everyone else there, have been dealing with our own imperfections and trying to make them better for ourselves. Being in the kind of environment that encourages you to accept and be at peace with these imperfections, as well as challenging you to confront and overcome them, is a very overwhelming and moving experience.
This had both its ups and downs. On the upside, it was amazing to be filled by this moving presence. I have no words to describe what that was like. I was able to witness it happen not only in myself, but also in the other people present. On the slightly less upward side, it caused emotions to run higher than normal. I noticed it first with the younger children. I absolutely love Daniel's nieces and nephews, and I have had some great times with them. For some reason, they seemed to get upset and fussy over smaller things that they never would have gotten too thrown off about. At the time, I just chalked it up to being in a new environment. I noticed it within myself also. There would be times Daniel would say or do something, and for some reason I allowed myself to become more hurt and upset than I would ever be. Again, because I've been brought up in the Catholic church my entire life, I just wrote it off at the time as a new experience that I needed to just work at becoming more comfortable with. I realized something was wrong when I noticed it with Daniel. For whatever reason, Daniel seemed to be getting upset or turned off by some of the smallest things. I thought maybe it might be because all of the kids were starting to get to him, or maybe I really was being mean towards him or something. As I looked at the situation closer, I realized that there wasn't anything going on that wasn't "normal".
I think it's safe to say that it was emotionally and spiritually tense for a while. I was already an emotional mess because of my own imperfections that I was trying to corner, and I started to feel even worse when I saw how tense and fragile things would get sometimes. It really brought me down for a while to the point where it was physically wearing at me. Then the most perfect and amazing thing happened to me. Daniel and I prayed together.
Faith has been an important part of both of our lives for a very long time. Both of our families have a strong religious support system, so we grew up going to church and retreats and bible studies and camps. We've discussed the various aspects of our faith with each other in great detail: what we have in common, what differs, what is the most valued and important to us. I've gone with him and his family to church before, and he's gone with me to Mass for different events in my family. We've read together, talked about things together, sang in church, sat in church and held hands. . .but this was the first time we've actually, honest to God shared our faith with each other. I don't know why it hasn't happened any sooner, because we're both very faith/religion oriented people, but it couldn't have happened at a more perfect time.
For that moment, it didn't matter what was going on. Everything was right and perfect. Nothing else mattered. . .not the built up stress of silly things getting to us, different imperfections we were dealing with on our own or together, or any of the unexplainable tension that had built up. In that church, holding hands and praying together and for each other, everything else was okay. This has been the most beautiful moment of peace and faith I have experienced in my lifetime, and no amount of words can fully explain the outpouring of emotion that occurred.
It doesn't matter who it is (boyfriend, best friend, wife, sister, dad, etc). . .every relationship has to have some type of foundation to build upon. More importantly, there needs to be a strong enough foundation to hold a relationship up when nails slip out, when insulation goes bad, or when rooms or the entire house needs to be remodeled (I've been trying really hard to stay away from baseball comparisons). Without that strong foundation, if the world comes crashing down, what is left to hold you up? Without a foundation, things wither away and fall apart. Yes, houses can be rebuilt and new foundation can even be laid down, but without a sturdy foundation in the beginning, it makes things that much more difficult.
I'm not saying religion is the only source of that sturdy foundation (although a really great parable from the Bible comes to mind), and this is not my way of trying to convert anyone. I firmly believe that all relationships need a steady and stable foundation to rest and build upon. Our faith and religion is what Daniel and I can build off of and even add on to. While it may not have been as obvious when we first started dating, it has been made crystal clear this past week. No matter what occurs in our relationship, our faith is what we have to fall back on and hold us up. It allows us to figure things out together, and renews our faith in each other as well as our faith together to help each other overcome whatever comes our way.
There are many sources of foundation in relationships. While I personally feel that faith is the strongest foundation to build upon, there are many other strong sources. Music is a heavy factor in many relationships I have been a part of and have witnessed (as a musician, it sort of comes with the territory). Art, poetry, literature, politics, non-faith based moral views on life...these are all sturdy bases. In every relationship, there is something in common. Even indifference, or acceptance of having absolutely nothing in common is a backbone of a relationship (I have a few friendships like that, and I wouldn't trade them for anything). If there's nothing to base or build your relationship on, why are you in the relationship in the first place?
Ladies and gentlemen, this is my challenge for us for the week. Why do we have the relationships that we do? What is it that we have in common with others? I challenge you to first figure out what means the most to you in your life. Find your source of foundation. It might be something that's long been laid down, or something that you're slowly starting to build from scratch. Regardless as to how old or new the foundation, realizing what it is can be the hardest obstacle to overcome. The second part of this challenge may take some time, but I promise it will be so much more worth it in the end. Once you figure out the source of your foundation, find a way to share it and build onto it. Music has been such a major part of my life for as long as I can remember, it was what Daniel and I first built our friendship on over ten years ago. Lately, I've been battling some of my own doubts and imperfections, and I've been keeping that part of my life away from him. After everything this past week, I'm ready to work as hard as I can to share that with him again. I know it will take time for me to be where I'd like to be with that aspect of our relationship, but I can guarantee you that I am going to be trying my hardest to get back to that happy, musical place.
While this may seem like a more difficult challenge that I normally leave, I think it will be the most fulfilling. I'm willing to continue to work and build upon what I have, and I hope you will be inspired to do the same. In closing, I'd like to share a quote that's been helping me through this past week and the creation and practice of this post:
"I never said it would be easy. . .I only said it would be worth it. . ."
Keep the faith, my friends. If not faith in a higher power, at least have faith in yourself that one day, we really can say that it was worth it. . .
Until then,
Abby <3
This past week was one of the most overwhelming experiences of my life. . .and that's putting it lightly. Daniel grew up attending a family church camp every summer. They hadn't been in quite a few years, and they were very determined to make it back this year. Daniel had invited (practically begged) me to go with him this year. I have a hard enough time denying this man anything when he does so much for me, and because he was so determined to make this happen, I agreed to go with him.
After I got off work on Friday, we started getting ready to make our way to camp, and it seemed like everything was going against us at one point or another. As soon as everything went right, something else had to go wrong. Daniel and myself (along with his family) were very determined to make it to this camp, so we pushed through anyway. I was sure that once we finally arrived at the camp everything would be fine, but even while we were at camp we were battling through things. Nobody, and no relationship for that matter, is absolutely perfect. Daniel and I, along with everyone else there, have been dealing with our own imperfections and trying to make them better for ourselves. Being in the kind of environment that encourages you to accept and be at peace with these imperfections, as well as challenging you to confront and overcome them, is a very overwhelming and moving experience.
This had both its ups and downs. On the upside, it was amazing to be filled by this moving presence. I have no words to describe what that was like. I was able to witness it happen not only in myself, but also in the other people present. On the slightly less upward side, it caused emotions to run higher than normal. I noticed it first with the younger children. I absolutely love Daniel's nieces and nephews, and I have had some great times with them. For some reason, they seemed to get upset and fussy over smaller things that they never would have gotten too thrown off about. At the time, I just chalked it up to being in a new environment. I noticed it within myself also. There would be times Daniel would say or do something, and for some reason I allowed myself to become more hurt and upset than I would ever be. Again, because I've been brought up in the Catholic church my entire life, I just wrote it off at the time as a new experience that I needed to just work at becoming more comfortable with. I realized something was wrong when I noticed it with Daniel. For whatever reason, Daniel seemed to be getting upset or turned off by some of the smallest things. I thought maybe it might be because all of the kids were starting to get to him, or maybe I really was being mean towards him or something. As I looked at the situation closer, I realized that there wasn't anything going on that wasn't "normal".
I think it's safe to say that it was emotionally and spiritually tense for a while. I was already an emotional mess because of my own imperfections that I was trying to corner, and I started to feel even worse when I saw how tense and fragile things would get sometimes. It really brought me down for a while to the point where it was physically wearing at me. Then the most perfect and amazing thing happened to me. Daniel and I prayed together.
Faith has been an important part of both of our lives for a very long time. Both of our families have a strong religious support system, so we grew up going to church and retreats and bible studies and camps. We've discussed the various aspects of our faith with each other in great detail: what we have in common, what differs, what is the most valued and important to us. I've gone with him and his family to church before, and he's gone with me to Mass for different events in my family. We've read together, talked about things together, sang in church, sat in church and held hands. . .but this was the first time we've actually, honest to God shared our faith with each other. I don't know why it hasn't happened any sooner, because we're both very faith/religion oriented people, but it couldn't have happened at a more perfect time.
For that moment, it didn't matter what was going on. Everything was right and perfect. Nothing else mattered. . .not the built up stress of silly things getting to us, different imperfections we were dealing with on our own or together, or any of the unexplainable tension that had built up. In that church, holding hands and praying together and for each other, everything else was okay. This has been the most beautiful moment of peace and faith I have experienced in my lifetime, and no amount of words can fully explain the outpouring of emotion that occurred.
It doesn't matter who it is (boyfriend, best friend, wife, sister, dad, etc). . .every relationship has to have some type of foundation to build upon. More importantly, there needs to be a strong enough foundation to hold a relationship up when nails slip out, when insulation goes bad, or when rooms or the entire house needs to be remodeled (I've been trying really hard to stay away from baseball comparisons). Without that strong foundation, if the world comes crashing down, what is left to hold you up? Without a foundation, things wither away and fall apart. Yes, houses can be rebuilt and new foundation can even be laid down, but without a sturdy foundation in the beginning, it makes things that much more difficult.
I'm not saying religion is the only source of that sturdy foundation (although a really great parable from the Bible comes to mind), and this is not my way of trying to convert anyone. I firmly believe that all relationships need a steady and stable foundation to rest and build upon. Our faith and religion is what Daniel and I can build off of and even add on to. While it may not have been as obvious when we first started dating, it has been made crystal clear this past week. No matter what occurs in our relationship, our faith is what we have to fall back on and hold us up. It allows us to figure things out together, and renews our faith in each other as well as our faith together to help each other overcome whatever comes our way.
There are many sources of foundation in relationships. While I personally feel that faith is the strongest foundation to build upon, there are many other strong sources. Music is a heavy factor in many relationships I have been a part of and have witnessed (as a musician, it sort of comes with the territory). Art, poetry, literature, politics, non-faith based moral views on life...these are all sturdy bases. In every relationship, there is something in common. Even indifference, or acceptance of having absolutely nothing in common is a backbone of a relationship (I have a few friendships like that, and I wouldn't trade them for anything). If there's nothing to base or build your relationship on, why are you in the relationship in the first place?
Ladies and gentlemen, this is my challenge for us for the week. Why do we have the relationships that we do? What is it that we have in common with others? I challenge you to first figure out what means the most to you in your life. Find your source of foundation. It might be something that's long been laid down, or something that you're slowly starting to build from scratch. Regardless as to how old or new the foundation, realizing what it is can be the hardest obstacle to overcome. The second part of this challenge may take some time, but I promise it will be so much more worth it in the end. Once you figure out the source of your foundation, find a way to share it and build onto it. Music has been such a major part of my life for as long as I can remember, it was what Daniel and I first built our friendship on over ten years ago. Lately, I've been battling some of my own doubts and imperfections, and I've been keeping that part of my life away from him. After everything this past week, I'm ready to work as hard as I can to share that with him again. I know it will take time for me to be where I'd like to be with that aspect of our relationship, but I can guarantee you that I am going to be trying my hardest to get back to that happy, musical place.
While this may seem like a more difficult challenge that I normally leave, I think it will be the most fulfilling. I'm willing to continue to work and build upon what I have, and I hope you will be inspired to do the same. In closing, I'd like to share a quote that's been helping me through this past week and the creation and practice of this post:
"I never said it would be easy. . .I only said it would be worth it. . ."
Keep the faith, my friends. If not faith in a higher power, at least have faith in yourself that one day, we really can say that it was worth it. . .
Until then,
Abby <3
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