Earlier this week, I went out with a few of my friends to celebrate our birthdays (one of the great things about having birthdays within weeks of each other). We had dinner, went shopping, and just spent time together catching up and visiting. I was having a great time, and told the girls that this was exactly what I needed to help me pick up my week. I've been feeling a little out of it, and a little down lately...and it was a refreshing change of pace for the evening. I'm realizing that I don't like that train of thought for the week though. I shouldn't be looking for a reason to be needing to make my week better...I should be enjoying each day that I've been given. So that got me thinking...
Why do we let other people bring us down? It obviously can't be because we actually like feeling that way. Nobody actually likes feeling that way. So why do we let them affect us in such a way?
Here's what I've observed and been a part of...I know I don't have all of the answers, but this is what I know...
Sometimes people say things to us that could make us think in a negative manner, and we completely dismiss them and aren't even slightly affected. It could be because we know the person, and we know that they don't really mean what they're saying or that they're teasing us, and we let it go. Every now and then, we have people who do these things to us, and we let it go because we don't really care what they say. I've asked someone about how they can do this, because I've never had this happen personally, and the reaction was simple. "Those people just don't matter that much to me." So, I guess if there are people in your life that are trying to bring you down, and you know that these people aren't in a good environment for you, don't associate yourself with them. It's easier to let things go when you come to terms with the fact that there are just some people out there that will always be trying to bring others down, and you can't allow them to hurt you like they have so many others. At this point, all we can do is pray for them or try to show them how to be more positive.
There have been times when complete and absolute strangers say things to us in a more negative manner. Most of the time, we let it go because we have no idea who they are, and they don't know us, so what do they know anyway? It's so easy for other people to judge each other without ever knowing or understanding the person or the situation, and at times like this it's very easy for us to not even acknowledge anything that they are saying. Every great once in a while though, something a complete stranger says really drags us down and upsets us. How can someone who knows so little about us affect us so much? I think (and this is just from my own personal experience and experiences from others that I've talked to) that we all have a few things that we can be a little self concious about. I know I have my fair share of things that I know I'm insecure about. Even the most confident person in the entire world has something that they have to at least second guess at times. This could range from hidden self insecurities that we don't share with the world, to something as simple as second guessing our outfit choice or the way we fixed our hair that particular day. These strangers may not mean anything by what they say, but we allow ourselves to be so brought down by them, because they hit a nerve we were trying to hide or get over. It's not the end of the world, but sometimes we allow it to be, because others have seen the faults in us that we were trying to forget. It's difficult to deal with as it happens (because we know deep down that allowing ourselves to be brought down by these things only reitterates and amplifies our personal insecurities and imperfections), but eventually we have to talk ourselves down and realize that these people don't know us and can't bring us down over something random that they may have said. It's hard, I'm not going to lie and say that it isn't, but we need to talk ourselves through these moments and pick ourselves back up.
Then comes the more difficult situation to talk about...Sometimes our friends and family bring us down, and in my experience, it's more difficult to overcome. I've been thinking a lot about how to properly address this section, and I think I've narrowed it down to three different situations:
People that know us tend to understand how we work and can figure out some of the insecurities that we talked about earlier. Sometimes even the people we love get hurt, and they bring our own insecurities to the surface. Maybe they said something out of anger or they happen to be dealing with being hurt over insecurities very close to our own. Maybe we did something to upset them, and they know what buttons to push on us. Chances are, they didn't mean to upset us...but once our insecurities get brought into the light, it's sometimes hard not to allow them to clutter your mind and weigh you down.
If you're like me, this situation happens every now and then: sometimes we try to hide or cover up our insecurities, those that we love aren't even aware of them, and they say something that really hurts our feelings. This happens to me sometimes with my dad. I am pretty sure that I love my dad more than almost anyone else in the world. I look up to this man for everything. There are no combinations of words to decribe our relationship, except one: complicated. For whatever reason, we get along when we're teasing each other or giving each other a hard time. That's just the way that it is. Sure, we have many moments of serious conversation and discussion...but that just isn't a normal thing for us. We can be as serious as we need to be with each other, but being able to give each other grief every now and then just sort of proves how close we really are. Even my own dad, this superhero figure of sorts in my life, really hurts my feelings sometimes. We can be going back and forth just messing with each other, and suddenly out of nowhere he says something and that ends the entire conversation. I get upset, or hurt, and sometimes I even walk off somewhere to calm down so I don't cry. I know my dad would never intentionally hurt me in such a way...but it's not really his fault. He doesn't realize that it's something he shouldn' t say, because he doesn't know that it's going to hurt me. I have my mom to thank for this viewpoint. If I can't share these insecurities with my dad (or whomever else for that matter), how is he supposed to know that whatever small comment he makes is going to hurt my feelings or worse?
Then, in my own opinion, there is the hardest of these situations to deal with. Sometimes we get so hurt and upset by the people we love and care about because we feel like we have let them down or disappointed them. We may not have knowingly done anything wrong. Sometimes things just happen. Nobody in this world has ever been absolutely, without a doubt perfect. Sometimes, even having the best of intentions doesn't always turn out like you would want it to. It's hard sometimes to realize that we have let down, disappointed, or even hurt some of the people we care most in the world. We look up to people that we care a lot about, and we strive to get their approval...we care so much about these people and they mean so much to us, that sometimes the things that they say really hurt us and make our insecurities that much greater.
So what do we do then? How do we help get ourselves out of this emotional hole of insecurities and hurt we have allowed ourselves to fall into? How do we help ourselves to prevent letting it happen again?
Here's the thing, ladies and gentlemen, I don't have all of the answers...but I have an idea. I think the biggest steps we can take are these: figuring out what it is we are so insecure about and facing it. This isn't going to be easy for a lot of us. Some of us, including myself, have some insecurities that are much more difficult to deal with than others. It's going to be a big challenge, but it's definitely going to be worth the risk.
So let's do this together. Let's think long and hard about what it is we are insecure about...and then try to figure out why we are so insecure about these things in the first place. If we can work together to realize these things, and then work even harder to conquer them with each other, we will be in a much happier place. Heads held high, world. This can be done, and we can do it together! With that in mind, let's also strive to make sure we don't bring others down. For every negative thing we say or think about someone...let's do or say two positive things for those people. It will be a slow process, but we can begin changing the world for the better...one step and one day at a time...
Until next time,
Abby <3
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