Last week, while Daniel was away at his sister's for a few days, I baked a couple loaves of banana bread (his favorite) to suprise him when he came home. For those who read my last post, just to update you, the bread turned out better than I expected and he loved it. Not bad for a first try. The only downside has been this burn on my left hand that hasn't quite healed, and hurts a bit when it gets scratched on my jeans or something. After it happened I wasn't upset, I merely wrote it off as one of those things that happens when you're doing something for someone you care about (well...after the initial freak out of me having gotten a fairly bad burn on my hand).
The night before Daniel came back home, I got a message from one of his sisters telling me that Daniel had gotten me a surprise, I was going to love it, and she couldn't tell me what it was. After trying to beat it out of her over text message, Daniel finally called and was more excited than he has been in a while to let me know that he had a big surprise for me. That's all I was told. For those who know me, this is the worst thing anyone could do for me. I went crazy trying to figure out what it could be, and I even had a couple of friends try to give me some ideas. Nothing I could have imagined came close to the surprise I got Saturday afternoon. While Daniel had been up at his sister's, they had gone to a pet store, and Daniel had bought me a baby rabbit.
This was, without a doubt, one of the best surprises I have ever gotten from anyone. I used to raise rabbits when I was much younger, and haven't had a rabbit around the house (minus the wild ones that sometimes come in and out through the yard) in probably ten years or so. I couldn't have been any happier...until I finally stopped playing with my new pet. The expression he had on his face, knowing how happy he had made me, was one that I will never forget. In that moment, I have never felt more loved. Not because he went out and bought me something, or because he went out and did something for me, but because he was so excited to see me happy. We were talking a little later Saturday night, and he had asked me to make sure to try to bathe Aria (the name we agreed on for my adorable little dwarf rabbit) somewhat regularly. This wasn't an unusual request (seriously, if I'm going to keep her in the house, she needs to stay clean), but I asked him why he thought it was such an important issue. I was extremely shocked when he told me it was because he was allergic to pet dander. I've known forever that he's allergic to cats, but I guess I never really thought about the possibility of other animals. I thought it was really strange and asked him why he bothered to buy me a rabbit, knowing he was allergic. His answer was simple, like I should have known all along, "because I knew how happy it would make you."
This is when everything really sunk in. We, as humans, do some of the craziest and unexplainable things for the people we care about when we barely know them, and then eventually it tends to wear off a little once we're closer and more comfortable with them. Doesn't that seem a little backwards?
As a woman, I think we're even crazier at times, especially when we're trying to meet someone or just start dating someone. Think about it for a minute. We dress up (sometimes more than we normally would), we pay a little more attention to our makeup and hair, and we put ourselves out there. Who are we doing this for? If we were comfortable with ourselves, we would do these kinds of things for ourselves when we wanted to, not just to go out and meet someone new. Instead of being confident in who we are, and getting ready for ourselves, we drive ourselves crazy trying to impress other people, desparate for their approval to hide our own uncertainty and disapproval of ourselves. I was like this, and even worse for a while. I had plenty of male friends that I could go out and spend time with, but I never was ready to actually settle into anything. I would get hurt and disappointed at times because there would be those guys that it just wouldn't work out with, but I know it's because I needed to be able to be okay with myself before I could let anyone else be.
I had finally gotten to that point before Daniel and I started dating. I was happy with who I was and with what I was doing, and for only being 23, I thought that was a major accomplishment. When we first starting dating, we had gone through a period of time where we hadn't been able to talk or spend time around each other for a while (we've known each other for about ten or so years), so when we started spending more time with each other, I noticed that I made sure I looked nice (good hair, makeup, a little dressed up, etc). We've been friends for a while, so we were already comfortable around each other, and I noticed we got even more comfortable together as time passed. We can talk about pretty much anything and everything (he even listens to me read him my blog posts sometimes), and I am completely okay with us taking a day off when things get too stressful or crazy so we can sit around the house in our pajamas and have a movie marathon or something (which would be completely unheard of if it were any other guy).
That "comfort" word makes me nervous, though. It's a two-edged sword, this whole dating and relationship thing. In some relationships we complain because we don't feel comfortable around our partner. We long for the days of getting to sleep in late, staying on the couch all day watching whatever is on the TV, making breakfast in the afternon, and being totally and completely comfortable with that. At the same time, in other relationships we grype because things are "too comfortable", and we wish things were more exciting and fun (or at least not the same ALL of the time). So where is this grey area of a perfect relationship?
I think it's our job (whoever you might be: boyfriend, wife, best friend, daughter, father, etc.) to do what we can to find this grey area. It's not the same for every person or every relationship, so it may take time to figure it all out. Be patient with your loved one, and try to find a grey region that works best for you. Little surprises keep things happy and interesting, and they don't have to be expensive or elaborate. Maybe take the trash out before being asked, or cook his favorite meal even though it takes longer than what you're normally used to.
One of the things I've learned lately is that you don't need to spend a whole lot of money or time on something to make someone happy. The little, random surprises here and there really add up and make everything more interesting, and make you take a step back and appreciate what you have. I think it's safe to say that we are all guilty from time to time of not realizing how great we really have it, even when things are a little rough. If we all took a few more minutes out of our day to appreciate what we have and to find something that we could do to make our loved ones just a little happier, we would literally have no room for complaints. Do we ever need a reason to do something nice or sweet for the people we love?
Ladies and gentlemen, let's make it a goal of ours to try to remember to make the little, random moments in our lives matter. If we could all think of and do one sweet gesture a week for those we love, think of how much happier we would all end up being. I challenge you, as well as myself. Let's see how much better we can make things for ourselves and others.
Until next time,
Abby <3
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Friday, June 21, 2013
How to be perfect for the ones we love. . .
Last night I was talking to my boyfriend on the phone, and I had a revalation of sorts. How did this come about? It's simple, really. We were talking about banana bread. Yes, I'll explain. . .
One of Daniel's favorite foods in the world is his grandma's banana bread. This past spring, he needed to be at his dad's in the Ft. Worth area for about a month, and it was the longest time we had ever gone without getting to see each other since we had started dating (even though we slipped up and he convinced me to drive all the way to Ft. Worth for a weekend halfway through his stay). The weekend he was going to be driving home, I made sure to drive in from Corpus Christi so we could spend some time together. I was so excited he was coming back home that I stayed up the entire night before he drove in, baking banana bread to suprise him. When he got home that weekend, I brought the bread over and he got excited about it, but made a few comments about how it didn't quite taste like his grandma's.
About a month ago, we were fortunate enough to take a small vacation to New Mexico for a week so he could spend time with (and introduce me to) his grandma. I took advantage of the situation, and explained to his grandmother how much he missed her banana bread when we were back in Texas. She very happily handed over a copy of her banana bread recipie and seemed very excited and pleased that I was willing to try to do something like that for her grandson. She was even sweet and helpful enough to sit down with me one afternoon when it was just the two of us in the house and talk me through her baking process just so I could copy it as best as I could when Daniel and I were back home.
This week, Daniel needed to go up to his sister's for a couple of days. Last night we were talking on the phone, and he mentioned he was supposed to be coming home today. I casually mentioned that I had gone out and bought some bananas, and was thinking about finally taking time to try out his grandma's recipie. He seemed happy about it, and kind of joked that even though the recipie came straight from his grandma, it wouldn't be the same. That got me thinking. . .
OF COURSE IT'S NOT GOING TO BE YOUR GRANDMA'S BREAD...I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND, NOT YOUR GRANDMOTHER!!!
How many times have we gone through something like this? We've heard it from dads, husbands, boyfriends, and good friends. I'm sure we, as women, have said things like this about things from time to time also. "My dad would be able to fix that." "Maybe I should call (insert name here) and see what he would do." So, while I'm writing this from a girlfriend's perspective, ladies you know we are just as guilty, if not moreso at times.
I'll be honest, there have been times for me (and I know some of you have gone through this as well) that these kind of comments hurt. Here I am, trying to do something nice for the man I love. I have the best of intentions, and just want to do something I know will make him happy. What happens? It isn't quite good enough.
At this point last night, that's when it really hit me. It will never be good enough. We strive to give those that we love exactly what we know will make them happy. We bend over backwards, stress ourselves out, spend way too much money and drive ourselves crazy sometimes trying to achieve that level of perfection for that person who, at times, seems almost too perfect to us. We do everything we can, but it will never be the same. Sometimes it's all we can do to not beat ourselves up over the idea that we're never going to be like their grandmas, moms, dads, or whomever.
Here's the thing, though. We all feel that way about something in our lives, too. I know, no matter what happens in my life or who I am going to deal with, no one will ever come close to fixing things and doing things for me quite the way my dad does. It's just not possible. There won't be anyone who can compare to my grandma Fenner's cheesecake or pecan brittle or my grandma Kroll's dressing or chicken and dumplings. There is no one out there in the world who can compete with almost anything my mom has ever baked or any of the hugs she has ever given me to make me feel better on a bad day. There is always going to be at least that one person who did something a certain way that we will always remember.
These people did these things in our lives that will always be there. They were special people in our lives and they did these things just for us. Daniel will never fix things exactly the way my dad does. But Daniel isn't my dad, and I would never want him to be. He is my boyfriend, and the things he does for me can't compare to anyone else either. I'm happy with that. In the same token, I will never be Daniel's grandmother, and I am more than positive that neither of us wants that. I'm his girlfriend, and there are things I do for him that I know he's going to remember and think about. I may not be his grandmother, but when I make banana bread, it will be the best banana bread I've been able to make, and he'll know that I made it just for him. It won't be his grandmother's bread, but it won't be any less of a special thing, because it's something he likes and I'm doing it for him.
We will never be able to live up to the people before us (mothers, grandmothers, prior girlfriends or wives, etc.). . .but why would we want to? We are in these people's lives because we are special to them in our own way. Why would we want to be like the people before us? They already have people like that, they don't need more than one. These comments that are made aren't meant to hurt us or to discourage us. These comments are brought about by thoughts of people who cared for us doing things for us. These comments are made out of love and happy times, not because of negative feelings towards us not ever being like those other people.
What does that mean? It means we need to learn to be confident and happy with what we do for others, and we shouldn't allow ourselves to be brought down. I know that while I may never be able to make banana bread that tastes exactly like Daniel's grandmother's, he's going to love me anyway because I'm trying. It's also comforting to know that one day, all of this stress and all of the nights we keep ourselves up late wondering how to make things better will all be worth it. One day, someone out there will be talking about how they really like something, but it's not quite as good as ours. It may take time, maybe even a lifetime, but one day we'll be the ones everyone else is struggling to be.
Keep your heads up world, we may have more work to do, but overcoming this is more than half the battle!
I have my head held higher today, because even though I may not be absolutely perfect right now, one day my time will come...and I know if it does, there will be no one in the world who will ever be able to compete with anything I will ever be able to do for my future kids. :)
Until next time,
Abby <3
One of Daniel's favorite foods in the world is his grandma's banana bread. This past spring, he needed to be at his dad's in the Ft. Worth area for about a month, and it was the longest time we had ever gone without getting to see each other since we had started dating (even though we slipped up and he convinced me to drive all the way to Ft. Worth for a weekend halfway through his stay). The weekend he was going to be driving home, I made sure to drive in from Corpus Christi so we could spend some time together. I was so excited he was coming back home that I stayed up the entire night before he drove in, baking banana bread to suprise him. When he got home that weekend, I brought the bread over and he got excited about it, but made a few comments about how it didn't quite taste like his grandma's.
About a month ago, we were fortunate enough to take a small vacation to New Mexico for a week so he could spend time with (and introduce me to) his grandma. I took advantage of the situation, and explained to his grandmother how much he missed her banana bread when we were back in Texas. She very happily handed over a copy of her banana bread recipie and seemed very excited and pleased that I was willing to try to do something like that for her grandson. She was even sweet and helpful enough to sit down with me one afternoon when it was just the two of us in the house and talk me through her baking process just so I could copy it as best as I could when Daniel and I were back home.
This week, Daniel needed to go up to his sister's for a couple of days. Last night we were talking on the phone, and he mentioned he was supposed to be coming home today. I casually mentioned that I had gone out and bought some bananas, and was thinking about finally taking time to try out his grandma's recipie. He seemed happy about it, and kind of joked that even though the recipie came straight from his grandma, it wouldn't be the same. That got me thinking. . .
OF COURSE IT'S NOT GOING TO BE YOUR GRANDMA'S BREAD...I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND, NOT YOUR GRANDMOTHER!!!
How many times have we gone through something like this? We've heard it from dads, husbands, boyfriends, and good friends. I'm sure we, as women, have said things like this about things from time to time also. "My dad would be able to fix that." "Maybe I should call (insert name here) and see what he would do." So, while I'm writing this from a girlfriend's perspective, ladies you know we are just as guilty, if not moreso at times.
I'll be honest, there have been times for me (and I know some of you have gone through this as well) that these kind of comments hurt. Here I am, trying to do something nice for the man I love. I have the best of intentions, and just want to do something I know will make him happy. What happens? It isn't quite good enough.
At this point last night, that's when it really hit me. It will never be good enough. We strive to give those that we love exactly what we know will make them happy. We bend over backwards, stress ourselves out, spend way too much money and drive ourselves crazy sometimes trying to achieve that level of perfection for that person who, at times, seems almost too perfect to us. We do everything we can, but it will never be the same. Sometimes it's all we can do to not beat ourselves up over the idea that we're never going to be like their grandmas, moms, dads, or whomever.
Here's the thing, though. We all feel that way about something in our lives, too. I know, no matter what happens in my life or who I am going to deal with, no one will ever come close to fixing things and doing things for me quite the way my dad does. It's just not possible. There won't be anyone who can compare to my grandma Fenner's cheesecake or pecan brittle or my grandma Kroll's dressing or chicken and dumplings. There is no one out there in the world who can compete with almost anything my mom has ever baked or any of the hugs she has ever given me to make me feel better on a bad day. There is always going to be at least that one person who did something a certain way that we will always remember.
These people did these things in our lives that will always be there. They were special people in our lives and they did these things just for us. Daniel will never fix things exactly the way my dad does. But Daniel isn't my dad, and I would never want him to be. He is my boyfriend, and the things he does for me can't compare to anyone else either. I'm happy with that. In the same token, I will never be Daniel's grandmother, and I am more than positive that neither of us wants that. I'm his girlfriend, and there are things I do for him that I know he's going to remember and think about. I may not be his grandmother, but when I make banana bread, it will be the best banana bread I've been able to make, and he'll know that I made it just for him. It won't be his grandmother's bread, but it won't be any less of a special thing, because it's something he likes and I'm doing it for him.
We will never be able to live up to the people before us (mothers, grandmothers, prior girlfriends or wives, etc.). . .but why would we want to? We are in these people's lives because we are special to them in our own way. Why would we want to be like the people before us? They already have people like that, they don't need more than one. These comments that are made aren't meant to hurt us or to discourage us. These comments are brought about by thoughts of people who cared for us doing things for us. These comments are made out of love and happy times, not because of negative feelings towards us not ever being like those other people.
What does that mean? It means we need to learn to be confident and happy with what we do for others, and we shouldn't allow ourselves to be brought down. I know that while I may never be able to make banana bread that tastes exactly like Daniel's grandmother's, he's going to love me anyway because I'm trying. It's also comforting to know that one day, all of this stress and all of the nights we keep ourselves up late wondering how to make things better will all be worth it. One day, someone out there will be talking about how they really like something, but it's not quite as good as ours. It may take time, maybe even a lifetime, but one day we'll be the ones everyone else is struggling to be.
Keep your heads up world, we may have more work to do, but overcoming this is more than half the battle!
I have my head held higher today, because even though I may not be absolutely perfect right now, one day my time will come...and I know if it does, there will be no one in the world who will ever be able to compete with anything I will ever be able to do for my future kids. :)
Until next time,
Abby <3
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
What's wrong with being happy...?
Just recently, my boyfriend proposed an interesting question. We'd both had a pretty long last week or so, and I was overstressed and just overall really down. Out of nowhere in all of this, he asks me, "What is so wrong with just being happy?"
This got me thinking. . .Why is it so hard to just be happy sometimes? I have no real room to complain about my life. I have an amazing boyfriend I love very much who loves, spoils and takes better care of me than I deserve. I have a loving family and group of friends that I can depend on, a good job that I enjoy waking up for every morning, and a place to call home at the end of the day. Compared to some, I have no reason to not be happy.
I know there are other people out there like this. They have the world, and yet they don't seem like they really enjoy or appreciate it. Maybe it's you, or maybe it's someone you know. I wonder though, is it really because we don't appreciate what we have or do we just not know how?
That seems stupid. Who doesn't know how to be happy? It's not that we don't know how, but I think there are various different points in time where we let smaller, unhappy creatures overrun our lives. I've thought about how things have been going lately. I have moments where I'm absolutely, no questions asked, happy. As the day moves on, something down the line happens and gets me all flustered and upset. It's not depression by any means, and it isn't some form of bipolarity, but these little things seem to upset me more than normal.
I've narrowed this down to two reasons, and at times I have been guilty of both. . .
Some people have much bigger problems or stressors that they try keeping to themselves. Maybe they don't want people to know, maybe they don't trust anyone to talk to about it, or maybe they want to be able to get through it and fix it on their own. Regardless as to the reason, all of the hidden stress and worry continuously builds up and can really weigh a person down emotionally, physically, and mentally. It's a major drainer. With all of this weighing you down, it's easy to see why the smaller things might set someone off who's worried about much bigger things.
The other option might seem crazy, but this was the best way I had to describe it. Maybe some people allow themselves to get so upset because they really are happy and they aren't sure how to properly handle it. For me, I've been so used to taking care of myself and talking to people when I absolutely needed to. I let everything build up til I couldn't take it anymore and then emotionally purged myself. It felt great afterwards, but the buildup was awful. I was stressed and insecure about everything because I was dealing with things and trying to take care of everything on my own as best as possible (so very obviously guilty of the first option). I had relationships, but I always needed the other person to think that everything was okay, because I needed to take care of myself. Then Daniel happened.
Daniel makes me talk everything out, and he makes a point of needing to know what's bothering me and why. He won't settle for anything less than me letting him take care of me. This beautiful, God sent man does everything he possibly can to make and keep me happy. It's overwhelming at times to realize that it's possible for someone to love and care about me so much that they are willing to put themselves so far out there and do whatever is needed just because they want to see me smile. Things aren't always perfect, but there are times when it sure comes close. In all of this, there are moments when I get really upset about things. It's never anything bigger than just small annoying stressors and issues, but there are times when it feels like it's the worst possible thing in the world. Some days I can chalk it up to PMS, and we get ice cream or something and just let it go. Other days, I can't make excuses.
So what's wrong then? I think it can all be summed up to the fact that I AM really happy. Sure, Daniel isn't 100% perfect (although he comes extremely close), but he gives me every reason in the world to smile and enjoy life. I think that when we, as crazy emotionally driven women, care about and love someone so much, it makes it that much easier for us to get upset and hurt. We don't make sense, us crazy women. We hurt the ones we love more than we hurt the people who are really to blame, we take out our frustration on those closest to us, and we allow ourselves to get hurt more by the stupid small things people we love do instead of the huge problems caused by others and even strangers. What gives? It's no question why guys are the way that they are. . .we make them that way. Being able to find one that can understand, or at least try to deal with all of this is a very lucky thing indeed.
For those men out there brave enough to read this until the end, I apologize for the crazy women of your lives and I thank you for being able to get through life and still try to make these nutty women happy. We may not admit it, but we're blessed to have guys like you, and it wouldn't be the same without you.
For the women out there like me...whether you're in a serious relationship, or just have really close male friends (again, totally guilty of both)...do what I'm going to do when I get off work later: go home, say thank you, give the man a beer, and do your best to conciously be aware of the crazy things we put our guys through. Maybe we should try to lighten up a bit. . .but that's a topic of a whole different discussion. . .
Until then,
Abby <3
This got me thinking. . .Why is it so hard to just be happy sometimes? I have no real room to complain about my life. I have an amazing boyfriend I love very much who loves, spoils and takes better care of me than I deserve. I have a loving family and group of friends that I can depend on, a good job that I enjoy waking up for every morning, and a place to call home at the end of the day. Compared to some, I have no reason to not be happy.
I know there are other people out there like this. They have the world, and yet they don't seem like they really enjoy or appreciate it. Maybe it's you, or maybe it's someone you know. I wonder though, is it really because we don't appreciate what we have or do we just not know how?
That seems stupid. Who doesn't know how to be happy? It's not that we don't know how, but I think there are various different points in time where we let smaller, unhappy creatures overrun our lives. I've thought about how things have been going lately. I have moments where I'm absolutely, no questions asked, happy. As the day moves on, something down the line happens and gets me all flustered and upset. It's not depression by any means, and it isn't some form of bipolarity, but these little things seem to upset me more than normal.
I've narrowed this down to two reasons, and at times I have been guilty of both. . .
Some people have much bigger problems or stressors that they try keeping to themselves. Maybe they don't want people to know, maybe they don't trust anyone to talk to about it, or maybe they want to be able to get through it and fix it on their own. Regardless as to the reason, all of the hidden stress and worry continuously builds up and can really weigh a person down emotionally, physically, and mentally. It's a major drainer. With all of this weighing you down, it's easy to see why the smaller things might set someone off who's worried about much bigger things.
The other option might seem crazy, but this was the best way I had to describe it. Maybe some people allow themselves to get so upset because they really are happy and they aren't sure how to properly handle it. For me, I've been so used to taking care of myself and talking to people when I absolutely needed to. I let everything build up til I couldn't take it anymore and then emotionally purged myself. It felt great afterwards, but the buildup was awful. I was stressed and insecure about everything because I was dealing with things and trying to take care of everything on my own as best as possible (so very obviously guilty of the first option). I had relationships, but I always needed the other person to think that everything was okay, because I needed to take care of myself. Then Daniel happened.
Daniel makes me talk everything out, and he makes a point of needing to know what's bothering me and why. He won't settle for anything less than me letting him take care of me. This beautiful, God sent man does everything he possibly can to make and keep me happy. It's overwhelming at times to realize that it's possible for someone to love and care about me so much that they are willing to put themselves so far out there and do whatever is needed just because they want to see me smile. Things aren't always perfect, but there are times when it sure comes close. In all of this, there are moments when I get really upset about things. It's never anything bigger than just small annoying stressors and issues, but there are times when it feels like it's the worst possible thing in the world. Some days I can chalk it up to PMS, and we get ice cream or something and just let it go. Other days, I can't make excuses.
So what's wrong then? I think it can all be summed up to the fact that I AM really happy. Sure, Daniel isn't 100% perfect (although he comes extremely close), but he gives me every reason in the world to smile and enjoy life. I think that when we, as crazy emotionally driven women, care about and love someone so much, it makes it that much easier for us to get upset and hurt. We don't make sense, us crazy women. We hurt the ones we love more than we hurt the people who are really to blame, we take out our frustration on those closest to us, and we allow ourselves to get hurt more by the stupid small things people we love do instead of the huge problems caused by others and even strangers. What gives? It's no question why guys are the way that they are. . .we make them that way. Being able to find one that can understand, or at least try to deal with all of this is a very lucky thing indeed.
For those men out there brave enough to read this until the end, I apologize for the crazy women of your lives and I thank you for being able to get through life and still try to make these nutty women happy. We may not admit it, but we're blessed to have guys like you, and it wouldn't be the same without you.
For the women out there like me...whether you're in a serious relationship, or just have really close male friends (again, totally guilty of both)...do what I'm going to do when I get off work later: go home, say thank you, give the man a beer, and do your best to conciously be aware of the crazy things we put our guys through. Maybe we should try to lighten up a bit. . .but that's a topic of a whole different discussion. . .
Until then,
Abby <3
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
There's a first time for everything. . .
I've always read blogs about...well...everything. I've learned from some, laughed at a few, and have enjoyed many of them. I've always admired people for writing blogs about whatever it was they wanted to discuss, but it never occurred to me to write my own.
I've never been much into keeping up with a diary...but there are times that I have things I want to share.
As I've never done this before, right now I'm just trying to get things organized and situated to my liking...
More to come soon :)
Until then,
Abby <3
I've never been much into keeping up with a diary...but there are times that I have things I want to share.
As I've never done this before, right now I'm just trying to get things organized and situated to my liking...
More to come soon :)
Until then,
Abby <3
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