Just recently, my boyfriend proposed an interesting question. We'd both had a pretty long last week or so, and I was overstressed and just overall really down. Out of nowhere in all of this, he asks me, "What is so wrong with just being happy?"
This got me thinking. . .Why is it so hard to just be happy sometimes? I have no real room to complain about my life. I have an amazing boyfriend I love very much who loves, spoils and takes better care of me than I deserve. I have a loving family and group of friends that I can depend on, a good job that I enjoy waking up for every morning, and a place to call home at the end of the day. Compared to some, I have no reason to not be happy.
I know there are other people out there like this. They have the world, and yet they don't seem like they really enjoy or appreciate it. Maybe it's you, or maybe it's someone you know. I wonder though, is it really because we don't appreciate what we have or do we just not know how?
That seems stupid. Who doesn't know how to be happy? It's not that we don't know how, but I think there are various different points in time where we let smaller, unhappy creatures overrun our lives. I've thought about how things have been going lately. I have moments where I'm absolutely, no questions asked, happy. As the day moves on, something down the line happens and gets me all flustered and upset. It's not depression by any means, and it isn't some form of bipolarity, but these little things seem to upset me more than normal.
I've narrowed this down to two reasons, and at times I have been guilty of both. . .
Some people have much bigger problems or stressors that they try keeping to themselves. Maybe they don't want people to know, maybe they don't trust anyone to talk to about it, or maybe they want to be able to get through it and fix it on their own. Regardless as to the reason, all of the hidden stress and worry continuously builds up and can really weigh a person down emotionally, physically, and mentally. It's a major drainer. With all of this weighing you down, it's easy to see why the smaller things might set someone off who's worried about much bigger things.
The other option might seem crazy, but this was the best way I had to describe it. Maybe some people allow themselves to get so upset because they really are happy and they aren't sure how to properly handle it. For me, I've been so used to taking care of myself and talking to people when I absolutely needed to. I let everything build up til I couldn't take it anymore and then emotionally purged myself. It felt great afterwards, but the buildup was awful. I was stressed and insecure about everything because I was dealing with things and trying to take care of everything on my own as best as possible (so very obviously guilty of the first option). I had relationships, but I always needed the other person to think that everything was okay, because I needed to take care of myself. Then Daniel happened.
Daniel makes me talk everything out, and he makes a point of needing to know what's bothering me and why. He won't settle for anything less than me letting him take care of me. This beautiful, God sent man does everything he possibly can to make and keep me happy. It's overwhelming at times to realize that it's possible for someone to love and care about me so much that they are willing to put themselves so far out there and do whatever is needed just because they want to see me smile. Things aren't always perfect, but there are times when it sure comes close. In all of this, there are moments when I get really upset about things. It's never anything bigger than just small annoying stressors and issues, but there are times when it feels like it's the worst possible thing in the world. Some days I can chalk it up to PMS, and we get ice cream or something and just let it go. Other days, I can't make excuses.
So what's wrong then? I think it can all be summed up to the fact that I AM really happy. Sure, Daniel isn't 100% perfect (although he comes extremely close), but he gives me every reason in the world to smile and enjoy life. I think that when we, as crazy emotionally driven women, care about and love someone so much, it makes it that much easier for us to get upset and hurt. We don't make sense, us crazy women. We hurt the ones we love more than we hurt the people who are really to blame, we take out our frustration on those closest to us, and we allow ourselves to get hurt more by the stupid small things people we love do instead of the huge problems caused by others and even strangers. What gives? It's no question why guys are the way that they are. . .we make them that way. Being able to find one that can understand, or at least try to deal with all of this is a very lucky thing indeed.
For those men out there brave enough to read this until the end, I apologize for the crazy women of your lives and I thank you for being able to get through life and still try to make these nutty women happy. We may not admit it, but we're blessed to have guys like you, and it wouldn't be the same without you.
For the women out there like me...whether you're in a serious relationship, or just have really close male friends (again, totally guilty of both)...do what I'm going to do when I get off work later: go home, say thank you, give the man a beer, and do your best to conciously be aware of the crazy things we put our guys through. Maybe we should try to lighten up a bit. . .but that's a topic of a whole different discussion. . .
Until then,
Abby <3
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